Baxter Magolda (2009) defines self-authorship as the process of using one’s internal voice and core personal values as a guide to navigate life and complex decisions. My journey to self-authorship is a hard and continuous process, as I am still trying to figure out my purpose in life. Most of my life, I have been following after what my mother told me to do.
In her study, Baxter Magolda explains that on the journey to self-authorship, individuals will be influenced by external formulas. According to Baxter Magolda, when you follow external factors, you trust authorities to decide what to believe, follow the plans laid out for them, and allow others to define who they are.
College was not an option for my brother and I growing up. It was our destiny. My mother had huge plans for my brother and I. My mother did not want us to be another statistic. It was a goal of my mother’s to have both of her sons beat the odds. Because I did not have a clear sense of self at that time, I allowed the external formulas, my mother, write out my life and ultimately decide what career path I was going to take.
During my high school years, I expressed to my mother my interest in possibly becoming a police officer and since then, she has pushed me to take that career trajectory. Heavily encouraged by my mother, I enrolled to SUNY Fredonia as a criminal justice major with the intent to graduate and become a police officer. Society and the campus climate at Fredonia significantly influenced my sense of belonging or lack thereof, not only in the criminal justice program, but also at SUNY Fredonia as a whole.
The more I felt alienated in my major, my desire to find a new major increased. I started to question myself and ask if I belonged in the field of criminal justice; this is what Baxter Magolda defines as listening to the internal voice. I had become dissatisfied with the career trajectory my mother set out for myself and I realized the need to develop my own sense of self. I realized that I was going to college to fulfill my mother’s wants and desires but not actually what I wanted. Because I followed my mother’s path she had for me, I did not have the time to think about what I actually wanted out of my collegiate experience. My lack of feeling like I belonged in my major is what caused me to actively look for a major that would better suit my wants and desires. I decided that if I were going to go to college, I would go for myself and be in a program that I wanted to be in.
It was not until the end of my first semester at Fredonia when I started to step out of my comfort zone to actively find my purpose and what I actually want to pursue as a career, when I made a genuine connection with a guy named Jamichael. Jamichael became a great friend of mine and helped me discover my true passion, photography.
My second semester of my freshmen year was when I started to find a sense of self. I knew that I wanted to major in photography but I was also afraid of what my mother would say.
I decided to take a leap and change my major to photography. That gave me such a boost in confidence because I was actually doing something that I was interested in. With that confidence, I decided to be the change I wanted to see at Fredonia and became a Resident Assistant. The Resident Assistant job is really what has gotten me to where I am today in higher education.
Today, I am still trying to find my purpose in life. I feel that my internal voice is telling to do a bunch of things and I am having a hard time with refining it down to just one area. I am constantly trying to finds ways to combine all of my talents and passions into one job or area but that is very difficult. I think that I am in the right place and that the HESAA program is everything that I needed. This program has helped me to explore who I am and has given me the opportunity to find careers that will allow me to combine my many passions and talents.
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